This year will be my fifteenth wedding anniversary. Yep. That’s right. Fifteen years. It is hard for me to fathom the fact that I’ve been in a relationship or even a friendship with someone for this long. Unlike most couples, I was the one who had an issue with commitment when we got engaged. It’s not that I didn’t love my husband, but the sheer enormity of a lifetime commitment simply blew my mind. My husband, Mr. J, had no such concerns. Even though we’ve only known each other for a short time, as an intuitive visionary, he can already see us together for the long haul. Our differences were quite obvious even back then.
I wrestle with anxiety often. I’m not sure if it’s an Asian thing, but many of my girlfriends also have similar struggles. When I was young, when my mom came home late from work, I would jump to the worst scenario possible and couldn’t shake it off. It’s weird. I remember having a rather carefree childhood. Somewhere along the way, this fearful mindset snuck in.
There has been a flurry of discussions about femininity lately. Whether we realize it or not, we all deal with many cultural and social opinions on how we should behave as women. Growing up as a first generation immigrant in the San Francisco Bay Area, I was bombarded with conflicting expectations from all sides. East vs. West. Traditional vs. Modern. I felt like an “in-between” person in many ways, not quite belonging to any group. What does this mean for me as a woman? I felt confused and frustrated.