Many years ago, there’s a really popular worship song called “Open the Eyes of My Heart.” One day, after service, a friend asked me “What are the ‘eyes of my heart’? The heart has no eyes?!” It stopped me dead in my tracks. I can see he was serious. Completely serious and baffled. To him, the heart was an organ in his body. It’s function was to pump blood through his veins. His heart had chambers, but it surely had no eyes.
Spiritually speaking, the Heart is the core, the essence of our being. It is the place where our most intimate thoughts and emotions reside. It is the place where we can be our truest self, without fear of rejection or judgment. And so, it is also the most protected space in our inner life.
Ironically, and perhaps unsurprisingly, the Heart is where God wants to meet with us. God can tolerate no falsehood, and this is true especially when He relates with us. Often, we’re worried about offending God with our unfiltered thoughts and emotions, so we put on masks and try to hide the mess inside. We forget that no matter how hard we try, we can’t hide from God. Even then, He still wants us to open up our hearts so He can meet us there, at the core of our being. It is us who are more surprised and offended at our own shadows than God is.
Personally, I’ve been dealing with a sudden loss in work and friendships. I felt a deep anguish that I cannot put words to. Music is great for times like these. I started playing some music that echoed my mood and that just opened up my heart. The feelings of sadness and longings started to unfold. As these intense emotions flowed out one by one, I felt His comfort and His presence. There was no judgment nor shame for my feelings… just a sense that I’m not alone in this mess.
In going through this transition, I had endlessly replayed the decisions I’ve made and wondered if I had missed God’s guidance or made mistakes. I tried so hard to make sense of what I was feeling. And during this worship session, I had some clarity. God was not so concerned about what I did nor the decisions I made. He was not disappointed because I wasn’t perfect in the process. Rather, He knew perfectly well the driving forces behind my decisions – good and bad – and yet, He allowed them to come to pass.
He was more concerned about me not shutting down my heart in this whole process. Because once I shut down my heart, I shut Him out too. I would effectively have cut off the One Thing He wanted from me – a relationship. And He was more concerned that I don’t shut Him out too… because He is the only One that can walk me through this and show me what He had in mind all along.
It is all about the heart… not what we do.